March 2008 Newsletter
Welcome to Fostering in Oklahoma Newsletter
We are a non-profit organization committed to strengthening Foster and Adoptive Families and Relative Caregivers through support, training, and advocacy with the aim of nurturing child safety, well being and stability in partnership with child welfare professionals and the entire community. This newsletter is dedicated to making foster care and adoption in Oklahoma the best they can be.
- Foster and adoptive parents will find it to be a resource and a place to share information, ideas, frustrations, and joys related to foster care and adoption.
- Social workers will find Fostering Interest important for the way it gives voice to the concerns of the parents and children they work with every day.
We hope you enjoy "Fostering in Oklahoma". If there are things you'd like to share or you have questions, please get in touch with us! FCAO Lana Freeman 2934 SW 6th Newcastle OK 73065 (405) 387-5052 lanaf@pldi.net
Kinship Foster Families Face Major Changes
By Michelle Lindenburger
Mary has mixed feelings. Since taking physical custody of her four-year-old grandson Jonathan, her life has changed dramatically. Mary's initial decision to care for Jonathan came easy to her. Her daughter, Rochelle, had been nvolved with drugs and in and out of trouble for years. Finally, DSS removed Jonathan from Rochelle's care due to neglect. Before placing Jonathan with a foster family, DSS asked Mary if she would be willing to take care of Jonathan full time until her could be reunited with Rochelle. She didn't hesitate.
Although we wouldn't go back and change her decision, Mary has found caring for Jonathan an extremely rewarding but stressful task. She never imagined that she would be parenting a child at her age. Three years from retirement, Mary had planned on doing some traveling and becoming involved in community activities. Now these plans are on hold. Mary is resentful at times because she feels her "golden years" are being taken from her. Later, she feels guilty for having these thoughts. She thinks, "I should just accept this responsibility without complaining. After all, I'm doing it for my grandson, and the situation isn't his fault.
Mary, the grandmother in the fictional case example above, is a kinship foster parent. Like many other grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings. Mary's life has been dramatically altered by her decision to care for the children of family members. The work kinship caregivers do is truly a arbor of love.
Benefits
Many children find the transitions associated with foster care to handle when they are placed with relatives. Because he was allowed to live with his grandmother, Jonathan is spared the stress of having to move in with strangers and start new relationships from scratch. Since Jonathan already has a relationship with Mary, his transition into foster care is easier. In fact, remaining with his family is likely to help Jonathan maintain his sense of identity--he'll feel less like a foster child, less a part of "the system."When custody is returned to Rochelle, Jonathan's transition out of foster care will be easier, since his foster mother (Mary) will still be an active part of his life. Most importantly, he is spared the pain and grief many children face when they must say good-bye to a foster family, never to see them again.
Stresses
Families who become kinship foster families also face many challenges. Each family member must struggle to learn a new identity and define a new role for themselves. As this process is taking place, miscommunication, frustration, guilt, and resentment sometimes occur.
Take, for instance, the family in the case example. For Mary, the decision to become involved was made in order to help Rochelle, and to avoid having Jonathan taken from the family. In spite of her good intentions, it's very natural for Mary to feel some resentment, guilt, and disappointment. Generally, kinship caregivers have reached a point in their lives where they've raised their own children and now finally have a little extra time and money. Any plans to travel, take a class, or volunteer in the community must be put on hold. They are back to raising children again. They may feel overwhelmed as they look at the huge task in front of them, and the time, energy, and resources it will take to be a "parent" to this child. Birth parents must also cope with changes in their roles. Initially, Rochelle is relieved that her mother can take Jonathan. Rochelle can concentrate on her treatment without worrying about Jonathan's safety in an unfamiliar home. But eventually Rochelle begins to feel displaced. She feels as if she is no longer the mother. During her weekly visits with Jonathan at DSS, Rochelle notices that he relates to Mary as his mother more and more. Rochelle feels jealous of the attention Mary gets from Jonathan. She can't believe her mother would take her place like this! For her part, Mary can't understand Rochelle's anger or believe how ungrateful she is.
Solutions
In most kinship situations, the scenario is similar: life stages and roles get mixed up. Since their roles have changed, individuals in the family must learn new ways to relate to each other. For the sake of everyone involved, it's important that all family members deal with these stressors. Communication is key. If everyone is able to talk about positive and negative feelings, a lot of resentment can be prevented. It's also crucial that the kinship caregiver have some type of support system. Family members, clergy, and support groups can remind foster caregivers that they are not alone. Many counties have support groups for grandparents raising their grandchildren. By offering a place to share information, solutions, and feelings with peers going through the same experiences, these groups can help tremendously. Other effective resources, such as parenting classes, mental health services, or respite, can be located by contacting the local DSS or mental health agencies. The AARP Grandparent Information Center (202/434-2296) offers a wealth of information on legal, social, health, and financial issues affecting grandparent caregivers. Michelle Linberger is a Foster Care Consultant with Methodist Home for Children in Wilmington, North Carolina.
Copyright © 2000 Jordan Institute for Families
How to Start an FPA from Scratch
To organize a foster parent association, you need time, energy, and a passion for your purpose: making a difference in the lives of all children in foster care. You must also have a game plan. Here are a few practical tips on starting an FPA:
- Start by contacting agencies in your county. Set up an appointment to express your desire of forming an FPA. Ask for a list of all foster parents in the county. Accept any assistance the agency offers you. They will have access to a lot of helpful information.
- Contact other foster parents by phone or mail. Try to form a committee to help you organize the first meeting. Set time and location of first meeting. The county agency may have a conference room you could use; local churches are also a good place to meet.
- Send out an informal newsletter to remind people of the meeting. If possible, offer child care. Invite a guest speaker from another county association with an existing organization to talk about that county's experiences and the benefits of having an association.
- At this first meeting, elect officers and set the agenda for a future meeting.
- Decide if there will be membership dues. If you have them, keep them low.
- Form a committee to write bylaws.
- Create a mission statement. A broad one (for example, "To promote quality family foster care") will prove more useful than a narrow one.
- Conduct yourselves as professionals: keep a positive relationship with foster care agencies, and maintain accurate minutes of all business meetings and records of financial transactions.
Copyright © 2000 Jordan Institute for Families
Nation’s Child Welfare System Doubles Number of Adoptions From Foster Care
Eight states (Hawaii, Wyoming, Maine, Delaware, Illinois, Idaho, Oklahoma, and North Dakota) more than tripled the number of adoptions from foster care over the baseline in at least one year during the five-year adoption challenge period. For example, between 1995 and 1997, Oklahoma averaged just 338 adoptions per year and in 2000, Oklahoma saw 1,067 children adopted from foster care.
Children and Family Research Center
http://www.fosteringresults.org/results/reports/pewreports_10-01-03_doubledadoptions.pdf
